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Thursday, January 15, 2009
Being A Real Man VS. Being A "Real Man"
I’ve gotten to a point when I’m starting to get a lot more…let me find the right word here…SELF-REFLECTIVE about life in general.The realization that you’ve now officially begun the second-half of your “life expectancy” has a nasty habit of knocking you on your ass in that way.One of the things that I’ve always found interesting is this idea of “being a man.”You see, from the time we’re yanked out of momma covered in what looks like a cross between wet Silly String, a Cherry Slurpee and chewed-up Hubba Bubba Bubble Gum up until it’s time for us to shuffle-off this mortal coil, we’re presented with images that are meant to either teach us or remind us of how a “real man” and a “real woman” should be in society.We are conditioned from the time we’re little to “know our roles:” boys like blue and girls like pink; boys play with trucks and girls play with dolls; boys play sports and girls join the cheerleading squad.It doesn’t get any better as we get older: guys who sleep with a lot of women are “studs” and women who sleep with a lot of men are “sluts;” guys drink beer and women drink Cosmos (fuckin’ SEX AND THE CITY bullshit); guys spend hours in the garage working on the car and women spend hours shopping for clothes.Even when I watch TV today, during our “Post-Election-Period-of-Enlightenment” that’s supposed to bring about open, honest and frank discussions about our societal ills, I can’t make it TEN MINUTES without seeing another commercial where the Dad is the lovable dipshit who it seems can’t even keep from shitting himself or killing the pet hamster.THANK GOD he has an incredibly wise and caring woman in his life (and let’s not forget those adorably precocious kids!) to remind him to breathe on a regular basis.
It made me realize that I’m not a real man…
Let me clarify:IT MADE ME REALIZE THAT I’M NOT A “REAL MAN”…and I’m more okay with that now than I’ve ever been in my entire life.
See, when I write “real man” what I’m talking about is all of the douche bag, alpha-male horseshit that gets paraded around as being the “foundation of masculinity.”We spend WAY too much time in our lives being concerned about “fitting in” and living up to other people’s expectations.Guess what? That person you think is “so special”? THEY’RE JUST AS FUCKED-UP AS YOU, IF NOT MORE!!If each of us spent less time worrying about what others thought and more time actually making ourselves happy…just IMAGINE the cool shit that could come from that!Instead, we waste time “living the stereotype” (more on that later) and continue feeding “The Beast.”For years, I thought that there was something wrong with me.Was it because I was the only boy growing up with five older sisters? Was it because my Mom raised me while my Dad worked two jobs? Was I forced to watch really bad “chick flick” marathons from my crib? Was I dropped on my head?
Thankfully, I came to realize that all of these things make me who I am and I have no reason to apologize for any of it.So as a proud man…a man of both style and substance…I stand before you and proudly say:
I don’t give a rat’s ass about tools or cars.I know the basics, and that’s all I have an interest in knowing.I couldn’t give two shits about spending hours in a Home Depot or a Pep Boys.Now if we’re talkin’ a Best Buy or a Staples, then I’m there!
I love getting manicures and pedicures.I could give you some bullshit reason about working in a business environment and making sure your hands look professional…blah…blah…blah.I get them because it’s fucking RELAXING!You ladies have had it too good for too long now, and I know that it’s all part of a scam.You don’t want us to know how good it feels because you’re afraid we’ll start taking over your appointment times.And let me tell you: there are FAR worse things in life than having a cute half-Panamanian/half-Puerto Rican girl rubbing and massaging your calves with warm, soapy water.Guys: if you haven’t treated yourself to one before, then MAN-UP and do it!
I’m a Democrat and mostly liberal.You know what the beauty is of the whole “conservative/liberal” thing?You know... the idea that “conservatives are tough and liberals are wimps”?Two things I’d like to comment on about that: (1) most Conservatives talk a good game when it comes to the rough-and-tough bullshit but usually mope away with their tails between their legs when confronted; and (2) I’m not saying I’m “Mr. Tough Guy” but I’m more than willing to pick up a baseball bat and do what I have to do to defend myself and those I care about…but there’s nothing wrong with trying to diffuse a situation before it gets to that point.
I view buying tampons as being no different than buying a gallon of milk or a frozen pizza.I don’t get why guys won’t buy them for their women when they need them.Honestly, do you really believe that the person at checkout thinks they’re for you? To do what? Stick them up your ass?!?Jesus Christ, you should be PROUD that people think you’re with someone.
I’m going to go slow on this one.PINK…IS…JUST…A…COLOR!You can wear a shirt, tie, or whatever and it will NOT make you “less of a man” (whatever the hell that means).I’ve got a great Pucci tie with pink and light green in it, and the only thing I know is that I look pretty damn smooth in it.But it goes beyond that.I know guys who won’t carry something or eat food that’s pink.Wow…I was going to make a comment about how that says more about their unconscious confusion over their own sexuality and less about the color but I’d like to save it for this…
“If some fag tried to hit on me, I’d kick his ass!”Really? REALLY?So let me get this straight: A gay man is attracted to you so he flirts with you, maybe tries to touch your hand or your knee.Your response? PUNCH HIM IN THE FACE!
I’m going to give you a few seconds to think about that…
Ready? Okay, good, because…YOU’RE A FUCKING IDIOT WHO NEEDS TO GET INTO A STARING CONTEST WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A SAWED-OFF SHOTGUN…AND MY HOPE IS THAT THE SHOTGUN “BLINKS” FIRST!Sorry to be so blunt, but I’ve reached my limit on the way we continue to accept violence towards the homosexuality community.I don’t want repeat myself from an earlier post, but what do you think would happen if you replaced “fag” with “nigger,” “spic,” “slant,” or “cracker”?Me? I’m such an egomaniacal attention-whore that I’ll take flattery from anyone and everyone who’ll give it.It’s flattering…it makes you feel good…and in this day and age, a little self-confidence isn’t such a bad thing.There is no “gay hypnotism” that makes straight men have sex with other men.If you’re reaction to getting hit on by a member of the same sex is to get angry and go violent, then I think you need to take a LOOOOOOOONG look in the mirror…and adjust your mascara while you’re at it…it’s running.
Okay, I’m stepping down from my pulpit because today’s sermon is coming to a close.Time to take my comic book-loving, pro-wrestling-watching, rollercoaster-hating, tie-loving, at-RADIO-FLYER-crying (just try and not get choked-up at the end when the littlest one takes flight) ass away from here for now to get some things done.Before I go, I wanted to touch upon the idea of not “living the stereotype.”Men are as deeply layered and complex as women…we just do a really shitty job of getting that across because we feel that it’ll make us weak.GROW…THE…FUCK…UP!Break “The Cycle of Stupidity” that you were raised under…get to know yourself and what YOU like and what YOU want.Otherwise, you’re just goose-stepping in line along with the rest of them…and aren’t we better than that?
Finally, some one being for real! I hope that young men start to grt this point early in life. it's ridiculous how ignorant we all are. I feel inspired to write the female version of this post...keep 'em comin'
I am a woman who is fortunate enough to have a man who will buy tampons, who looks very striking in shades of pink, who enjoys stealing my hair and skin products from time to time (even though he has a nasty habit of never replacing them when empty), has the emotional maturity to actually talk about his feelings with me, and then rocks my world in the sack when the talking is over! Really knowing himself and being who he is without apology makes him a real man. A real woman doesn't have time for "men" who act like little boys and cringe over anything perceived as too feminine.
As I type this, I am wearing a tie with a splash of PINK.. The fact that I said "splash of pink" hints that I am probably not a "real man". I drink amaretto sours, I leave the straws in my drinks, I look at my nails by spreading my hands in front of me, I try to apply lip balm as often as possible, from birth my eyes look like I am wearing mascara (and i have no issues with that), I like the fact that I have long eyelashes, my pants are fitted, I have shirts that say "size small". I bought tampons for my sisters, I love flying kites, I think everything wrong with my car is due to the ALTERNATOR.. You get the point.. but i could care less.. Im still a man.. and I loves the ladies.. lol...
I am quite impressed with the "Real Man" blog. I think gender roles are one of the things that plague me most. Two very important things are happening this year in my life. I'm getting married and I'm graduating with my masters. When discussing my wonderful job prospects and even more wonderful future pay rate, I tend to be confronted with one of two things by my conversation partner-- "How does he feel about you making more money than him?" Usually I respond with "Great. He loves to tell me how he's going to spend my paycheck" But maybe I'm a lucky one because still to this day, men seem to feel emasculated by a woman who makes more money than they.
The other question I usually get is "Well, what are you going to do when you have kids?" Work? Is this a completely foreign concept? A working mother? Not like there's millions of them or anything.
i ltmq (laugh to myself quietly) when i read this article. as for pink i am male and i have a few pink shirts dress shirts and a pink tie that goes quite well with my gray dress shirt. anything can be worn with style.
1. Why has no one else commented on how fucking great it is to get a manicure, I couldn't agree with you anymore, lotion + my hands and feet = a good fucking time. I can't wait for my next visit. It's relaxing, ten times cheaper than a real massage , and you come out looking pretty sharp.
2. Buying tampons is a joke, you'd have to be an ass-clown to not pick them up, I never heard of guys "putting them up their ass" but they do make one hell-of-a nose plug. And not to be vulgar but if you don't pickup those tampons up from the store imagine where that stuff Is gonna end up, thats right those thousand thread counts are going in the trash.
3. I could give a shit about some power tools, i read esquire not home improvement. i would much rather a cashmere sweater over any set of tools.
4. i cant wait till my gf makes more money than I (marriage is a constitutionalized joke). there is nothing better than going out to a fancy (pricey) dinner and my gf paying, the waiters always have a confused look on their face.
I hunt, fish, work on my car and watched the Notebook…and liked it. I go to the gym 5 days a week because I want to stay fit and feel good. I can buy feminine products because who gives a shit what I buy. I think a real man should be strong and sensitive but not be concerned about what he “should be”. I am not interested in getting my nails done, but that doesn’t mean its wrong; just as I know many men don’t like to fish. As far as homosexual men hitting on me, I wouldn’t punch them in the face. However if I was touched by anyone in an inappropriate way I reserve the right to punch them in the face (and no I wouldn’t hit a woman). Let me be clear I don’t think violence is the answer, but if you think you can touch me in an unwanted/unprovoked way I will reciprocate, in the manner I see fit. I have kids who are developing opinions of what they think men and women should be; I try to raise them to look at what’s right first and not what’s popular. I want my daughter to understand that aggressive play in sports is ok for a girl and that my son is allowed to cry. Not to get off the point but I have to say that many people don’t look below the surface of what many men do. I hunt and often people say “oh you like killing animals do you?” The hunt is not only the finality of end result, and I don’t have the time to illustrate all the aspects of the hunt. I read a book call Fair Chase a number of years ago and in it the author said (I’ll paraphrase) If the hunter has no feeling of sadness after the animal has died, he should not hunt again. For those of you who don’t hunt, it is difficult to understand, but for those who do it is crystal clear. So just because many people say a “Real Man” is a beer drinking hunter type, don’t lump me in that group, because I drink beer and hunt. And by the way, only 100% vegetarians can argue with a hunter, because those that don’t eat meat and are putting on their leather jackets and gloves should shut up! And those that don’t hunt and eat meat are just subcontracting someone else to hunt for them.
Pink ties are still gay.
ReplyDeleteFinally, some one being for real! I hope that young men start to grt this point early in life. it's ridiculous how ignorant we all are. I feel inspired to write the female version of this post...keep 'em comin'
ReplyDeleteI am a woman who is fortunate enough to have a man who will buy tampons, who looks very striking in shades of pink, who enjoys stealing my hair and skin products from time to time (even though he has a nasty habit of never replacing them when empty), has the emotional maturity to actually talk about his feelings with me, and then rocks my world in the sack when the talking is over! Really knowing himself and being who he is without apology makes him a real man. A real woman doesn't have time for "men" who act like little boys and cringe over anything perceived as too feminine.
ReplyDeleteAs I type this, I am wearing a tie with a splash of PINK.. The fact that I said "splash of pink" hints that I am probably not a "real man". I drink amaretto sours, I leave the straws in my drinks, I look at my nails by spreading my hands in front of me, I try to apply lip balm as often as possible, from birth my eyes look like I am wearing mascara (and i have no issues with that), I like the fact that I have long eyelashes, my pants are fitted, I have shirts that say "size small". I bought tampons for my sisters, I love flying kites, I think everything wrong with my car is due to the ALTERNATOR.. You get the point.. but i could care less.. Im still a man.. and I loves the ladies.. lol...
ReplyDeleteWhen my tire would go flat, I'd STILL look at the alternator! lmfao
ReplyDeleteI am quite impressed with the "Real Man" blog. I think gender roles are one of the things that plague me most. Two very important things are happening this year in my life. I'm getting married and I'm graduating with my masters. When discussing my wonderful job prospects and even more wonderful future pay rate, I tend to be confronted with one of two things by my conversation partner-- "How does he feel about you making more money than him?" Usually I respond with "Great. He loves to tell me how he's going to spend my paycheck" But maybe I'm a lucky one because still to this day, men seem to feel emasculated by a woman who makes more money than they.
ReplyDeleteThe other question I usually get is "Well, what are you going to do when you have kids?" Work? Is this a completely foreign concept? A working mother? Not like there's millions of them or anything.
http://new.music.yahoo.com/blogs/hiphopmediatraining/47509/dmx-adopts-pink-prison-wardrobe/
ReplyDeletei ltmq (laugh to myself quietly) when i read this article. as for pink i am male and i have a few pink shirts dress shirts and a pink tie that goes quite well with my gray dress shirt. anything can be worn with style.
This comment has been removed by the author.
ReplyDelete1. Why has no one else commented on how fucking great it is to get a manicure, I couldn't agree with you anymore, lotion + my hands and feet = a good fucking time. I can't wait for my next visit. It's relaxing, ten times cheaper than a real massage , and you come out looking pretty sharp.
ReplyDelete2. Buying tampons is a joke, you'd have to be an ass-clown to not pick them up, I never heard of guys "putting them up their ass" but they do make one hell-of-a nose plug. And not to be vulgar but if you don't pickup those tampons up from the store imagine where that stuff Is gonna end up, thats right those thousand thread counts are going in the trash.
3. I could give a shit about some power tools, i read esquire not home improvement. i would much rather a cashmere sweater over any set of tools.
4. i cant wait till my gf makes more money than I (marriage is a constitutionalized joke). there is nothing better than going out to a fancy (pricey) dinner and my gf paying, the waiters always have a confused look on their face.
this was great...
ReplyDeleteI hunt, fish, work on my car and watched the Notebook…and liked it. I go to the gym 5 days a week because I want to stay fit and feel good. I can buy feminine products because who gives a shit what I buy. I think a real man should be strong and sensitive but not be concerned about what he “should be”. I am not interested in getting my nails done, but that doesn’t mean its wrong; just as I know many men don’t like to fish. As far as homosexual men hitting on me, I wouldn’t punch them in the face. However if I was touched by anyone in an inappropriate way I reserve the right to punch them in the face (and no I wouldn’t hit a woman). Let me be clear I don’t think violence is the answer, but if you think you can touch me in an unwanted/unprovoked way I will reciprocate, in the manner I see fit. I have kids who are developing opinions of what they think men and women should be; I try to raise them to look at what’s right first and not what’s popular. I want my daughter to understand that aggressive play in sports is ok for a girl and that my son is allowed to cry. Not to get off the point but I have to say that many people don’t look below the surface of what many men do. I hunt and often people say “oh you like killing animals do you?” The hunt is not only the finality of end result, and I don’t have the time to illustrate all the aspects of the hunt. I read a book call Fair Chase a number of years ago and in it the author said (I’ll paraphrase) If the hunter has no feeling of sadness after the animal has died, he should not hunt again. For those of you who don’t hunt, it is difficult to understand, but for those who do it is crystal clear. So just because many people say a “Real Man” is a beer drinking hunter type, don’t lump me in that group, because I drink beer and hunt. And by the way, only 100% vegetarians can argue with a hunter, because those that don’t eat meat and are putting on their leather jackets and gloves should shut up! And those that don’t hunt and eat meat are just subcontracting someone else to hunt for them.
ReplyDelete