Sunday, October 11, 2009



Well, clearly my body decided to not hold up its end of the bargain and basically abandoned me a little after 4a.m. this morning. Perhaps the biggest lesson I gained from this is that if you're agonna' pull an "all-nighter," you should at least make sure that you get more than four hours the night before. Sorry I wasn't able to follow it all the way through but I intend to finish strong.


I REALLY LOVE DONG THIS SITE AGAIN...AND I HAVE ALL OF YOU WHO'VE BEEN READING AND POSTING TO THANK FOR THAT!! I let a lot of personal and professional drama keep me from doing what I love to do: write. As much as I have TREMENDOUS respect for those who write fiction...the ability to create your own worlds and universes for you to "play in" is one of the most fascinating aspects of the creative process... I find myself endlessly fascinated by the world around me. Just look at the issue of "Men & Women" and all of the endless dialogues that can be had on why we "do" what we "do." The best part, though, is that writing gets the conversation started. I've always been a big believer that most of the day-to-day problems in our lives could be settled by exchanging three honest and direct sentences with those we have issue with. We don't have to keep following "The Same Old Script" day in and day out. By communicating what we truly feel we can move past the "stereotypes" that each of us (whether we realize it or not) sometimes finds comfort in embracing like a warm, wool blanket.

So that's why I do this...and why I'll continue to keep doing this. So sit back...buckle up...and enjoy the ride! It may get a little bumpy at times...there may be some sharp turns and sudden drops along the way...but aren't those the things that make Life kinda' cool? ;-)

So What Do I Find Funny on the Internet?

That's easy! Three things...

...And Now A Little Something From The Mailbag Marked "BIZZARRO WORLD"!

This question has not been altered in any way, shape or form. Names have been changed to protect the innocent.

Q: How many hairs do you have in your head?

A: Ummm...none? Though the thought of my brain floating in my skull covered with wall-to-wall hair does freak me out a bit.

Wow. Must be getting late... ;-)

Something About a Goose and a Gander and Their "Good" Being The Same. I Always Forget That Damn Phrase!

So someone sent me the age-old topic of why it's "okay" for guys to get their "eff-on" before they settle down and get married, but not for girls. In the short's not.
Unfortunately, you're also talking about fighting back decades upon decades of sexism in this country. Only now are we really starting to look at the problem head-on and truly address it.
Society has perpetuated the sterotype of the man as the "seed-spreader" and the woman as the "embracing mother." That type of broad-brushing is what led to the double standards we have today.
My feeling has always been that if you're doing what makes you happy and you're doing it in a healthy manner so that you're not messing-up whatever makes your socks roll up and down. The best advice I could give...and this would apply to both to understand and respect the importance of keeping your own privacy. Don't lost control over who knows what goes on in your private life. There are WAY too many "drama leeches" out there that love to suck on to any little bit of gossip they can get their tentacles on. Other than your life the way you want. The way that makes you happy.
Besides, ladies, guys don't want virgins in bed...they just don't want to think about how you got your skills or at least believe that each guy met a violent, painful death immediately afterward. ;-)

It's All Greek To Me...

Someone asked that I address the topic of Greek Life taking over the institution that I work at, but I think I'm going to go a little broader with the topic and address the importance of Greek Life.

Just to be clear...when we reference "Greek Life" we are NOT talking about a large influx of residents of Greece. No, we're talking about social fraternities and sororities that are both local as well as nationally affiliated.

Just to be best friends in college were in a fraternity and I advised fraternities and sororities for twelve years.

I believe that Greek Life can be a valuable asset to pretty much any college or university, but for that to happen two things need to take place:

(1) Institutions need to move beyond the old stereotypes of fraternities and sororities.

(2) Organizations must adjust to the times and consider things like financial cost, time responsibility and what now constitutes hazing.

Clearly, for the first thing to happen the second must already be in motion. Where the biggest obstacle lies with the organizations is this peer-pressured "legacy of hate" that is wrapped in a blanket called "tradition" and passed down from one pledge class to the next. You got your' you're gonna' make sure they get their's. But what does breakin' wood over a man's ass teach about brotherhood? What does having a group of girls walk around campus all wearing shirts that read, "I Give Great Head!" teach about sisterhood? As corny as some people think it is, national organizations and their chapters that have legitimately moved away from hazing and concentrated more on community service, academic superiority and extracurricular involvement saw not only a rise in their chapter numbers but also had longer retention rates. That means more men joined...and they stayed around longer.

I'm not looking to turn this into some type of sermon. As I said...I'm a big proponent of Greek Life. The bonds of brotherhood and sisterhood that you can build...bonds that connect you with other all across the country...aid in leadership growth and development. But if national organizations and their chapters, as well as local organizations, continue blindly embracing "traditions" that run directly againest current hazing laws then all they will be doing is feeding into the stereotypes that are already pervasive. In the end, you want your letters to mean endure. Not just be a memory.

Saturday, October 10, 2009

We Interrupt This Marathon For A Word About Our Sponsors...

I'd like to take a moment to thank some people who've been a big help tonight and in the past in getting the word out about "...BECAUSE COWS MAKE DELICIOUS!!" and the best place to start is with...


AWESOME chatroom party taking place LIVE tomorrow night, Sunday, October 11th beginning at 7:30pm. Click on the link above, set-up a profile page...and I'll see you there tomorrow night!

Breaking ground 10/18/ online entertainment foundation unlike any other site you've ever been to.

"I get by with a little help from my friends...I get high with a little help from my friends..." :-)

Hot vs. Sexy vs. Cute

To me, when something's "hot" then it has a sudden and intense attraction toward it. It may be arousing and exciting now, but it usually has a short shelf life. Someone or something "hot" usually has its "Fifteen Minutes of Fame" before it either fades away or proves itself worth for the long haul to be...

I LOVE "SEXY"!! "Sexy" is great because it cover so many things: a look, a voice, a style, an attitude. "Sexy" isn't restricted by the bullshit roadblocks that society constantly put out there. "Sexy" has such a personal feel to it that it opens up so many avenues. For example, I could find a woman sexy based totally on her attitude, demeanor and personality. Then again, it could be something as simple as a laugh, a smile or how she plays with her hair. Yeah..."sexy" cover alot of ground and requires a bit of a deeper emotional and psychological investment...even during those times when we can't understand why we're attracted to the things we are. Those "guilty pleasures" we afford ourselves.

Unless it's being applied to children or small animals, I find "cute" about as useful as "interesting." To me, "cute" is a vague, non-committal response that gives the user a "parachute" to escape giving a more detailed opinion. I mean, if you're gonna' call me "cute" and I know that you thought E.T. was "cute"...well...what the fuck?!?

The one thing that ties them all together, though? They're all found in THIS guy:

Ooooooooooooooooh...yeahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh... ;-)

"Every artist dips his brush in his own soul, and paints his own nature into his pictures."

Special thanks to Henry Ward Beecher...and! ;-)

So I was asked which artists I appreciate and why...and it's never the former that I have a problem with. The latter, on the other hand...

There's something about each of these artists that impacts both my heart and mind at the same time. More than just appreciating their themes, they speak volumes about Life and our role in it, and how we sometimes need to embrace even the uglier aspects of Life. How can you appreciate a sunrise if there's no sunset to compare it to? For example, Coop's "Devil's Advocate" represents the need in society for those who ask the questions most people are afraid to ask. Pettibon's Anatomy series adds a realistic look at the affairs of the heart, and helps me to see the beauty even in the things we take for granted. So here's who I'm going with:
Raymond Pettibon
Keith Haring

We've got a special request comin' in...

This was probably one of more "interesting" requests I've had come in through the site...but because you asked, Amanda, you shall receive! ;-)

I barely had time to slouch down in my chair and prop my feet up on the desk for some well-deserved log-sawin' when she came through the door. From the moment she glided into the room, I knew my night was gonna' be far from over and Trouble was gonna' be riding shotgun the rest of the night. If I'd only locked the front door. If I only went to O'Malley's instead of drinkin' alone. But you know what a bunch of "if's" and a nickel get 'ya? A cup of coffee.

Before I could even straighten up, she started.

"I understand you're a private investigator, Mr. Flook. That's excellent, for I am definitely in need of one. My name is Amanda...."

I knew we were startin' to get personal...and I wasn't ready for that until I knew what the score was.

"We got time for all of that later, "Amanda." Why're you here? It's a little late to wanna' have someone follow your hubby."

Usually it's the smile and attitude that help me get the upperhand...but not this dame. She wasn't havin' any of it. Without battin' an eye, she cut right through.

"Well then let me get right to the point, Mr. Flook. I'm here to hire you..."

She paused slightly...almost as if she lost herself for a moment but put together a quick recovery.

"I'm here to hire you...because I'm afraid that I may kill my husband."

Oh boy. I smell a scotch-and-breakfast calling my name. Sleep's overrated anyway.


"COW-A-THON 2009" HOUR #4: Some Good Music You've Heard Lately...

Videos are hyperlinked with the artist/title:

"COW-A-THON 2009" HOUR #3: Share A Personal Story That Will Give Us Insight into A Side of You Most of Us Haven't Seen (Part I)

Interestingly enough, I received this topic from two different posters. I'll save the other one for later on (Ooooooh...a cliffhanger!).

I don't know how morbid this may or may not be, but I came across the tiny aticle in The Daily News almost two years ago...and I carry the laminated original in my wallet to this day.

While death of this type is always was her need to be noticed and not be alone...even in the end...that got to me. I keep is a reminder of how important it is for all of us to make a be remind others (and ourselves) that we matter, that we mean something no matter how bad things may get at times.

Here it is:

Elderly woman kills herself on East Side park bench in John Jay Park
Thursday, December 6th 2007, 4:00 AM
An elderly woman killed herself on a Manhattan park bench and left a suicide note saying she didn't want her death to go unnoticed, police sources said Wednesday.
The unidentified woman was found in John Jay Park at 76th St. and the FDR Drive about 7:20 a.m.; she had stabbed herself in the stomach. In her note, she said she didn't want to die alone in her apartment.

"COW-A-THON 2009" HOUR #2: Say Something Bad About President Obama

Apparently, there's this "misconception" going around that I look at our President through rose-colored glasses...that I can only see his attributes and not his faults.
Not true...dear citizens. Not true. What I AM doing is still lovin' the idea that we have a President who (even if you don't agree with his politics) you can look at and go, "Wow. Now he could easily be the smartest man in the room." The previous eight years? Ehhh...not so much. And deep down, I know both sides of the aisle believe that.
But President Obama isn't perfect. The two things that come to mind are:
(1) Removing the "Don't Ask/Don't Tell" Policy and putting an end to DOMA. In fact, he's been draggin'-ass on alot of issues impacting the LGBTT community. Patience doesn't last forever...and he shouldn't assume that this wouldn't impact him and other Democrats in the future.
(2) Dismissing outright even the consideration of legalizing marijuana as a new cash-crop and long-term economic stimulus. And for those of you lookin' to get on your "high horse"... I'll listen after you find a way to justify keeping alcohol and cigarettes legal but pot isn't. Hell, even Governor Schwarzenegger has commissioned a state survey to examine the economic benefits of legalizing it. Don't be "THAT guy"'re daughters will love you for it later. ;-)

"COW-A-THON 2009" HOUR 1: A Little On What This Is About...and Some Randomly Submitted Questions


Whether you're here for the first time or kind enough to give this site another chance, it's nice to know that you're taking some of your precious time to peep what I have to write. Much appreciated.

So why "COW-A-THON 2009"?
To be honest, I've been in a "bit" of a writer's block for the past few months. Let way too much personal and professional drama screw-up my creative drive...but I'm pretty damn sure it's back. So for my own sanity...and as a big "THANK YOU" to those who rode around with the site in the past. So let's get this baby rollin'...


The hourly postings are gonna' take on a wide variety of formats...but I figured with twenty-four hours to go I should pace myself a little bit. So let's start with some randomly submitted questions...

Can you prove wrestling is fake?

Yes. In fact, the WWE actually posts job listings for writers to create story lines. Even stranger, Freddie Prinz Jr. is actually employed by the WWE for just that thing.

Having said that... NO ONE should call into question the athleticism and skill that you have to have to perform and live the life of a professional wrestler. This is a PERFECT example of what can go wrong when a move just doesn't work out.

What do you think about the David Letterman extortion plot and sex scandal?

As long as there are no HR/legal issues coming out of it, I honestly don't see what the big deal is...I really don't. In fact, I think politicians should take a page out of Letterman's playbook: he went to the authorities, he came out and addressed it, he's made fun of himself to offset any outside attacks. In the end, he's gonna' come out of this better than ever. Hell, it gives him an "edge" in a lot of women's minds right now. He's had a helluva' PR team working for him...they deserve every penny they get for this one.

Who's your favorite superhero and why?

Superman. He is the true personification of a hero. He comes from a home that he can never return to, trying to fit in on a world that will always be strange to him. Yet with all of his power and strength...he chooses to humble himself by living the life of a man while protecting this planet from all that would do it harm. He doesn't ask for thanks or gifts...his satisfaction is knowing that people can sleep at night with a sense of hope. Yet for all of can't help but feel that small bit of loneliness hiding just behind the smile. Yup...DEFINITELY Superman.

Why is it that guys like girls calling them "Daddy"?

Gotta' be honest with 'ya...I think that shit's a little weird but to each their own.
Though now that I think about it...being called "papi" WOULD be fuckin' hot... Hmmm...

Back in a little bit... ;-)


So what better way to get the site back on the map then with a little stunt I affectionately refer to as...

"COW-A-THON 2009"!!!

Starting at 4:20pm on Saturday, October 10th, and finishing up at 4:20pm on Sunday, October 11th, I'll be posting AT LEAST one post per hour with the topics chosen strictly by YOU! There may be more...the later hours are gonna' get kinda' interesting...but I'm definitely running this gauntlet for 24 hours straight!

See 'ya back here in about three hours... AND KEEP SENDING ME TOPIC IDEAS!!! ;-)

Thursday, August 6, 2009

Do You Know What This Is?

In these times of social instability...political upheaval...
Consider this a mother-fuckin' warning!
Watch This Space! (T-Minus 29 hrs, 46 min.)

Monday, June 8, 2009


Just when you thought things couldn't get more naughty...
Just when you thought my ego had finally reached its limit...

After weeks of failed experiments and the mess of "disposing" of test subjects...

It's coming.

This week.

v.2.0 (Video Blogging)

Tuesday, May 12, 2009

Wanda Sykes: Funniest...Woman...EVER!

A slow-clap round of applause and a big "THUMBS UP" to Wanda Sykes and her wonderfully cringe-inducing routine at this year's White House Correspondents Dinner.

"Boy, Rush Limbaugh said he hopes this administration fails – so you said you hope America fails…To me, that's treason. He's not saying anything differently than what Osama bin Laden is saying. You know, you might want to look into this, sir, 'cause I think maybe Rush Limbaugh was the 20th hijacker, but he was just so strung out on Oxycontin he missed his flight." 

"Rush Limbaugh – 'I hope the country fails,'...I hope his kidneys fail, how 'bout that. He needs a good water boarding, that's what he needs." 

"He (Dick Cheney) scares me to death. I tell my kids, I say, 'Look, if two cars pull up and one has a stranger and the other car has Dick Cheney, you get in the car with the stranger.'" 

For those of you who actually have the cajones to feel sorry for Rush Limbaugh and feel that he was treated "unfairly," google him online and check out some of his "choice cuts":


"He is exaggerating the effects of the disease. He's moving all around and shaking and it's purely an act... This is really shameless of Michael J Fox. Either he didn't take his medication or he's acting."


"They're 12 percent of the population. Who the hell cares?"


"This is no different than what happens at the Skull and Bones initiation, and we're going to ruin people's lives over it, and we're going to hamper our military effort, and then we are going to really hammer them because they had a good time. You know, these people are being fired at every day. I'm talking about people having a good time, these people."

Wow, it sucks to be on the other end. I'm just sayin'...

Tuesday, May 5, 2009

Music To Soothe (or Enrage) The Savage Beast...

So I make it a point of DVR'ing music video blocks on MTV2, VH1 and FUSE because...

(A)'s always important to be up to date on what "The Kids" are listening to ("Those young whippersnappers with their rock-n-roll, drugs and Facebook!)...

(B)...because the DVR is the best invention since boxer briefs, potbelly pigs and Raspberry Blondes ("It's two...two...two alcohols in one!")...

(C)...usually they wait until 3am to FINALLY start showing a block of videos.

So because a couple of new or "new-ish" songs have crept onto my iPod (and because my Mom always taught me that it was nice to share with others), here's what I'm throwin' at 'ya this time:

CAGE THE ELEPHANT  "Ain't No Rest for The Wicked"

THIS is the kind of song you want playing every time you're walking down a hall or first entering a room.  This will make that walk down the hall to the bathroom the most BAD-ASSED walk down the hall to the bathroom that you've ever had.

GREEN DAY  "Know Your Enemy"

How do you follow-up a modern classic like AMERICAN IDIOT?  By crafting this balls-to-the-wall number as a major "FUCK YOU!" to anyone who thinks the boys are getting soft or that they blew their load with their last album.  Shit, even "Rolling Stone" gave 21ST CENTURY BREAKDOWN four-and-a-half stars out of five.

K'NAAN (w/Chubb Rock)  "ABC's"

I'm always fascinated by songs that can hook you in with a great beat and a solid line, and then after a few listenings you realize that the subject matter REALLY doesn't match up with the beat...and that's a good thing!  It's like when Ronald Reagan used "Born in the U.S.A." as his campaign song and movie studios used Third Eye Blind's "Semi-Charmed Life" in trailers for brain-dead romantic comedies and vomit-inducing family films.  Shit, REALLY listening to M.I.A.'s "Paper Planes" got my mind moving in a different direction then when I think about it in PINEAPPLE EXPRESS.


You can't go wrong with a song so intense that on one hand would be great to work out to, but on the other hand would scare the shit out of you if it suddenly came on in the middle of the woods in the middle of the night. VERY intense in a smooth, melodic, Doc Martens-sort of way...great wedding song!

Monday, May 4, 2009

Whatever Doesn't Kill You...CAN STILL HURT LIKE A SUNOVABITCH!!!

So last week was what we would call in "The Business" one muthafucka' of a week, with most of my time spent trying to keep about fifteen plates all spinning at the same time.  Needless to say, the cows weren't happy...and the last thing you want is a bunch of angry, bored, heavily armed bovine lookin' for trouble.  In the immortal words of the great thespian "Rowdy" Roddy Piper, "I have come here to chew bubblegum and kick ass...and I'm all out of bubblegum." 

So I'm back on track with some cool, interesting and (hopefully) thought-provoking shit coming your way this week including:







All brought to you with the same cynically optimistic, militantly Democratic, left-leaning crazed bias that you've come to know, love and adore.

So keep your eyes open this week...and until then, a little something to bring you to a higher level on enlightenment:

Monday, April 27, 2009

"Water flows humbly to the lowest level. / Nothing is weaker than water, / Yet for overcoming what is hard and strong, / Nothing surpasses it."*

Let's play a little game, shall we?

(1)  Get a bag of marshmallows, like a bag of those old-school Kraft burn-on-a-stick-because-you-left-it-in-the-campfire-too-long-type big-ass marshmallows.

(2)  Fit as many marshmallows as you can in your mouth without (A) choking to death; (B) throwing up all over the place; or (C) being unable to breath.

(3)  With the marshmallows in your mouth, read the following to yourself in a normal, steady pace:

One- Mississippi
Two- Mississippi
Three- Mississippi
Four- Mississippi
Five- Mississippi
Six- Mississippi
Seven- Mississippi
Eight- Mississippi
Nine- Mississippi
Ten- Mississippi
Eleven- Mississippi
Twelve- Mississippi
Thirteen- Mississippi
Fourteen- Mississippi
Fifteen- Mississippi
Sixteen- Mississippi
Seventeen- Mississippi
Eighteen- Mississippi
Nineteen- Mississippi
Twenty- Mississippi
Twenty-One- Mississippi
Twenty-Two- Mississippi
Twenty-Three- Mississippi
Twenty-Four- Mississippi
Twenty-Five- Mississippi
Twenty-Six- Mississippi
Twenty-Seven- Mississippi
Twenty-Eight- Mississippi
Twenty-Nine- Mississippi
Thirty- Mississippi
Thirty-One- Mississippi
Thirty-Two- Mississippi
Thirty-Three- Mississippi
Thirty-Four- Mississippi
Thirty-Five- Mississippi
Thirty-Six- Mississippi
Thirty-Seven- Mississippi
Thirty-Eight- Mississippi
Thirty-Nine- Mississippi
Forty- Mississippi


Oh...wait a second...I forgot a few things.  You also have to make sure that you:

(1)  spit out the marshmallows;
(2)  are bound securely to an approximately 4'x7' inclined bench with your feet elevated;
(3)  are covering your forehead and eyes with a cloth;
(4)  have a soaking wet cloth lowered until it covers both your nose and your mouth;
(5)  have water continuously applied to the cloth (which is still covering your nose and mouth) from a height of twelve to twenty-four inches for 20 to 40 seconds.
(6)  say a small prayer that it's only going to happen once, because one full application of this could last up to TWENTY minutes (according to a memo from The United States Office of Legal Council in 2002).

THAT is water boarding.
THAT...ladies and torture.

Khalid Sheikh Mohammed: water boarded 183 times in March 2003 (approx. 6 times/day)
Abu Zubaydah: water boarded 83 times in August 2002 (approx. 2-1/2 times/day)

I'm not saying that these were innocent men.  Far from it.

But we're the UNITED fucking STATES OF AMERICA!  We're better than this.  We have to be...we NEED to be!  Because even if you're okay with this...even if you feel like the United States shouldn't take the high road...remember this:

If we torture, we're giving the rest of the world "blank check" to do the same to our people.

Our sons...daughters...nephews...nieces...grandsons...granddaughters...wives...husbands...friends.

We're better than this...

*Lao-Tzu (Tao Te Ching)

Thursday, April 16, 2009

Don't Shoot The Messenger! (Actually, I'll Sacrifice The Messenger...Just Don't Kill The Message!)

I'm not a really big fan of Governor Paterson, especially regarding his handling of the Hillary Clinton/Caroline Kennedy fiasco and the nightmare that is the MTA, but I have to admit that he's showing some balls by introducing a bill to legalize gay marriage in the state of New York. Even more, he wants the bill brought to the floor for debate even if it looks like it won't pass. That, my friends, is small but important step in changing the culture in Albany.  Whatever side you're on in the issue, you should have the cojones to stand up and make your opinion known ON THE RECORD.  My only concern with Gov. Paterson introducing this bill is that I'm not sure which one we're going to get in this: the Gov. Paterson who showed energy and excitement when first taking the position or the Gov. Paterson who seems to be wallowing in his own low approval ratings.  Call my a "cynical optimist" but though I'm expecting the former, I'm still bracing myself for the latter.

Of course, there are going to be obstacles along the way: Sen. Ruben Diaz (D-Bronx), an evangelical pastor, and the newly-installed Archbishop Timothy Dolan.  Do I need to even tell you where this is going? Yup...a shitload more religion fucking up the way our government is supposed run.

Well, maybe it's about time we let Albany know that gay marriage isn't a religious issue...IT'S A CIVIL RIGHTS ISSUE!  I see this as being no different than the fight to give women the right to vote or to end segregation for African-Americans...except we're now in 2009 and this insane act of injustice continues.  Civil unions? Nice try...except that civil union couples are denied OVER 80% of the civil protections afforded married straight couples.  I'm sorry, but that's not the kind of "democracy" I want to live in...

So what can you do? Let Sen. Diaz and Archbishop Dolan know that they should keep their religion in their place of worship, and let true civil rights reign throughout this land:

NYS Senator Ruben Diaz

District Office
1733 East 172nd Street
Bronx, NY 10472
Tel:  (718) 991-3161
Fax:  (718) 991-0309

Albany Office
307 Legislative Office Building
Albany, NY 12247
Tel:  (518) 455-2511
Fax:  (518) 426-6945

Archbishop Timothy Dolan

Archdiocese of New York: 212-371-1000

Though I'm as surprised as anyone to find myself doing this, I'd like to end with a section from Gov. Paterson's press conference this morning:

“Rights should not be stifled by fear. Silence should not be a response to injustice. If we take no action we will surely lose; maybe we’ve already lost...There is no gain without struggle and there is no corner of this country or region of the world that tirelessly has not been struggling to bring freedom to those who don’t have it.”


Monday, April 13, 2009

Why Better Than Ezra Is The Best Band In The World!

I was "introduced" to DELUXE in 1995, the same year that Better Than Ezra released their first nationally-distributed album.  Surprisingly, it wasn't their first (and most successful) single, "Good," that hooked me in.  No, it was a little song entitled "Cry in the Sun" that did me in.  There was something very soulful in the sound of Tom's voice, as if each word that he sang carried with it the hope and heartbreak of lost love and timeless memories.  There was an earnestness...a longing...that registered with me then and has kept me an "Ezralite"all of these years since.  Don't believe me? Just look at the first two stanzas:

You cleaned out your room
And under your bed
Lay a picture long forgotten
With a hand to your head
You sigh out loud
As a memory rushes over
And buries you

A summer rainstorm
But the shed was dry
With a girl from Carolina
And you held her so tight
For the warmth that the rain denied
As the time has slowed to a flash...

....and that's before we even get to the "hook"!  When you read those words and really feel them, then I would humbly state that you would have to be a heartless prick to not get some emotional jolt from it.  Which of us hasn't found ourselves in that very same situation: we're going through our things...maybe some old boxes in the basement or those bags you swore you'd go through "just as soon as I get a chance"...and we find that little something...maybe a picture, maybe an old ticket stub...that allows us to travel back to a time when our lives were different...maybe simpler, maybe more complex.  The song's ability to do that to me...FOR what truly makes it art in my eyes.  Surprisingly (or "not surprisingly," for those of you who are fans of this site), it was the band's new single "Absolutely Still" that got me thinking about why I've liked the band for so long.  But I soon realized that it was a lot bigger than just one band and one song.  It's about all of those times in our lives when a simple lyric, a simple note made the difference between laughter and tears...between working out our anger and coming to terms with our loss.

Music makes us better people.  Music defines us.

I like to think of music as water and that we're all scuba divers maneuvering our way from one coral reef to the next, stopping along the way to take in all of the raw beauty around us as we explore.  Music creates opens our minds in ways writing and speaking cannot and forces us to be better than what we are.  Music gives us hope. Music makes us laugh, cry, scream, mourn, dance, and think.  To paraphrase a famous writer MUCH more prolific than me, music allows us to "rage, rage against the dying of the light."

The first two albums* I ever owned were the soundtracks to XANADU and FLASH GORDON, both movies that could best be described as "cult classics" (and for XANADU, that's being really kind).  The movies may have been shitty, but there was some great music from ELO and Queen and most importantly...THESE WERE MINE!  Owning an album was my first taste of freedom, and every groove on that vinyl was like a thing of beauty to me.  Almost every aspect of my life from that moment forward was defined by music:

*The theme music for the Channel 6 Action News broadcast always meant one of two things: either my Dad was home for dinner before going off to his second job, or my Dad was home in time for the 11 o'clock broadcast.

*I remember my sister taking the time to save my "musical soul" by introducing me to such rock legends as The Beatles, The Who and The Rolling Stones.  If any of you remember the beginning of ALMOST FAMOUS, you know there was a scene where William (after watching his sister Anita leave for her "new life") sits down and goes through all of the albums she's left him.  It's a transformational experience for him, and it was the same way for me...except my sister went on to the Air Force instead of being a flight attendant.  Hmmmm...come to think of it...even that's pretty odd in similarity...

*My college roommate showed me that there was life beyond the Top 40 charts.  Thanks to him, I got to "meet" Metallica, Alice in Chains and Nirvana.  Funny story (well, maybe not "ha-ha" funny but more like "wow-that's-weird-how-things-turn-out" funny) roommate also worked for the campus newspaper doing some freelance music reviews.  One day, he came back to the residence halls with a cassette single* swearing up and down that he had heard something that was going to change the face of music as we know it.  Of course, we all bitched and moaned until I finally gave in and gave it a listen...and I couldn't predict just how right he was.  The band? Nirvana.  The song? "Smells Like Teen Spirit."

Wow...just writing about it brings back a flood of memories.  My "Debbie Gibson" stage...learning to love Led Zeppelin...needing to hear "Crush" every fucking night when "The Hill" would be open for business, because good taste (and superstition) made it so...the evolution of my life as a "mix tape artist" from recording songs off of the radio (making sure to cue the recording just after the jackass on-air jock finished rambling and stopping it before he started talking again or the next song started) to burning CD's (customizable CD jewel case artwork? NICE!) to creating themed playlists on my iPod...the surprise on people's faces when they look at my iPod and find Wayne Wonder, King Diamond, Jay-Z, Pearl Jam, Depeche Mode and Frank Sinatra all on the same list...getting into a debate in the middle of a student center over who's the better artist: Lupe Fiasco or Lil Wayne.

So it's really not a matter of whether or not Better Than Ezra is the best band in the world...though don't think for a SECOND that I couldn't make the argument.  It's how music makes us think and feel, and not losing sight of that.  That's why it's so important for music programs to be better funded in our schools.  I was never lucky enough to learn an instrument when I was younger, save for a song or two on a harmonica, but I always felt that I would've been an AWESOME saxophonist.  That's why I commend programs such as VH1's "Save The Music" (though part of me thinks it's VH1's way of trying to save their souls for putting on such shit as "For The Love of Ray J" and "I Love New York").

I was going to end with something that's a little cliched, something about music being "the soundtrack of our lives."  Instead, I think I'll leave this in the hands of Charles Kingsely:

"There is something very wonderful about music. Words are wonderful enough; but music is even more wonderful. It speaks not to our thoughts as words do; it speaks through our hearts and spirits, to the very core and root of our souls. Music soothes us, stirs us up, it puts noble feelings in us, it can make us cringe; and it can melt us to tears; and yet we have no idea how. It is a language by itself, just as perfect in its ways as speech, as words, just as divine, just as blessed."
I'm not going to make it easy for you this time.  I want more than your thoughts on this post...


Post up your favorite songs, your favorite playlists...whatever turns you on musically I want to know what it is and why.

(1)  E-MAIL:

(2)  FACEBOOK:  Because Cows Make Delicious (group name)

(3)  Leave a comment at the bottom of this post by clicking "Comment," choose either "Anonymous" or "Name/URL"(you can just type your name and comment and leave the URL area blank).


Friday, April 10, 2009

1000! 1000! 1000! 1000! 1000! 1000! 1000! 1000! 1000! 1000! 1000! 1000!

1000 HITS!

Thanks to all of you who've remained dedicated to the site, posted comments, sent me e-mails and/or posted on the Facebook group. It means a lot...BUT OUR WORK ISN'T OVER!! "The Cult of the Cow" continues to grow, so get the word out!

In honor of this momentous occasion, I give you this. ENJOY!

Wednesday, April 8, 2009


"Somewhere over the rainbow / Bluebirds fly. / Birds fly over the rainbow. / Why then, oh why can't I?"


So it seems like the momentum is shifting EVER so slightly toward the idea of legalizing gay marriage, and a BIG slow-clap-leading-to-a-rousing-applause goes out to Iowa and Vermont this week for siding with decency and justice in what IS the biggest civil rights issue in this country today...and Vermont did it through their legislature and not through the courts!  With similar bills floating around New Hampshire, New Jersey, Maine and New York, we might just start turning the "dream" of the United States into a reality.  


PS:  By the way, for those of you out there getting your panties in a bunch with some righteous indignation I'd like to offer you this: I'll stop pushing for a fifty-state legalized gay marriage initiative when you get your "religions" the fuck out of my local, state and federal governments. Either that, or we start taxing. Sounds good to me...