"...BCMD!" Presents...XTREME PEANUT BUTTER AND JELLY SANDWICH!!*

*There's actually nothing really "extreme" about this...just thought it might grab your attention and lead you here. And since you're reading this...well...

You wanna' know what one of the most commonly-asked questions I get asked on this site, on Facebook, on the street and on weekends when I'm working my second job as a phone sex operator?

"What do you think makes a good peanut butter-and-jelly sandwich, Ray?"

...BCMD! PEANUT BUTTER AND JELLY SANDWICH

Ingredients:

1 - 16oz. jar Skippy Creamy Roasted Honey Nut Peanut Cutter

(Some people will argue that you should use "chunky" instead of "creamy." Those people are Communist kid-touchers and should be ignored at all costs; otherwise, the terrorists win.)

1 - 12oz. jar Smuckers Strawberry Jelly

(Grape is an acceptable substitute. All other flavors (especially peach and apricot) are an affront to humanity and should be exterminated with due prejudice. "Apricot"! REALLY?!?)

1 - small loaf Stroehmann Potato Bread

(Stroehmann Potato Bread is moist and delicious...and you don't even have to save the end pieces until last. Some people remove the crusts "because of the taste." Those people are pussies.)

1 - 8oz glass Milk (skim)

(Don't argue with me on this one. The lighter milk helps you appreciate the taste of the peanut butter and jelly more. Trust me.)
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Directions:

(1) Take two slices of bread, and spread peanut butter evenly on one slice and then spread jelly evenly on the other slice.

(2) The amount of peanut butter and jelly that you put on the slices is up to you but...YOU HAVE TO SPREAD IT EVENLY AND ACROSS THE ENTIRE SURFACE OF THE SLICE! No gaps...no "light spots"...no cutting corners as you get close to the crust. You want an even amount of taste in EVERY bite.

(3) Put both slices together (peanut butter and jelly should be gently pressed) and clean-up any excess along the crust.

(4) Throw it on a plate, grab that glass of skim milk and...ENJOY!!

(NOTE: ...BCMD! fully endorses the use of Nutella)

Alex Rodriguez: Making Friends Wherever He Goes...

Ouch!

Just in case there were any people left out there looking for an excuse to hate A-Rod...though that's some pretty harsh shit he's got deal with guilt-wise.

Check it out here.


Suddenly, badminton doesn't seem so bad... ;-)

In Memory of an Easy Rider and a Raging Bull...

R.I.P. Dennis Hopper

You were a cult icon before being a cult icon was "cool."

Dennis Hopper DEAD: Died At 74 After Months Of Family Drama

I Am Officially A Member of "The 'FOOD PARTY' Army"!

I know I've mentioned this before, but I can't emphasize enough how much more confused I get by this show the more I watch it.

It's on IFC now, and you can catch episodes online.

And just to prove what a kind and gentle ruler I will one day be...

CHECK OUT A FINE EXAMPLE HERE!

Well...It Didn't Take Long for the "'Diff'rent Strokes' Curse" Crap to Start...

If by "curse" you mean three child stars who pretty much got screwed over by everyone around them as they were paraded around on TV with very few of the protections that child stars get today?

Then, yeah...it's a curse.

AND WHY NO LOVE FOR EDNA GARRETT???


'Diff'rent Strokes' Curse? Troubled Lives For Child Stars Of Coleman's Sitcom

Rand Paul: This Country's Most Entertainingly Dangerous Candidate (VIDEO)

Oh! I get it now! The Constitution of the United States of America is ACTUALLY a Chinese food menu: you get to pick and choose what you support and what you don't!

So the 2nd Amendment is like "The Holy Grail"...AND CANNOT EVEN BE BREATHED ON WITH WARM BREATH WITHOUT CATCHING HOLY HELL FIRE FROM EVERY GUN LOBBY!

The 14th Amendment? Well, I guess that was written in pencil since some people seem MORE than comfortable with shredding it:

Rand Paul: U.S. Should Stop Granting Citizenship To Children Of Illegal Immigrants (VIDEO)

50 Cent Loses A LOT Of Weight, Looks Emaciated (PHOTOS)

HOLY SHIT!!!

I didn't think anyone could look creepier than Christian Bale did in THE MACHINIST.

I was clearly wrong.

50 Cent Loses A LOT Of Weight, Looks Emaciated (PHOTOS)

"Does Anyone Believe In Laughter?!?!" ~or~ "Forty's the new twenty!" (ugh)

So...yeah...it's been awhile.

So here's the question I have for 'ya:

DO YOU STILL GIVE A SHIT TO HEAR WHAT THIS "COW" HAS TO SAY?

Because if you do...if you give me that trust and "second chance"...I promise you some brutal truth, heartbreak, laughter, douche-chills, shocks...AND ANY OTHER GODDAMN ADJECTIVE OR ACTON WORD MY FUCKED-UP BRAIN CAN COME UP WITH!

(And I think you know what I mean when I say, "fucked-up brain"...)

So let me know what you think...because I do this for those of you who are interested. Otherwise, I'd just let the voices in my head lull me to blissful sleep every night.