RULE #127: THE VON TRAPP SYNDROME
Coming to visit our fair city? GREAT!
Looking to do a little shopping and see a show? AWESOME!
Excited about going to see "The Tree" and take a carriage ride? INCREDIBLE!
Well, on (seriously unofficial) behalf of NYC let me extend to you my warmest welcome and best wishes for a truly memorable experience.
Wait...what?!? How many people are you bringing?!? Grandma?!? Nieces?!? Cousins?!?
And now, ladies and gentlemen, is when the REALLY big fucking problem starts...
I titled this rule "The Von Trapp Syndrome" in reference to that wonderful scene at the end of "The Sound of Music" when Maria, Captain Von Trapp, Liesl, Friedrich, Dopey, Happy, Little Steven and Tito (sorry, but there were way too many fucking kids to remember them all) are holding hands as they make their way over the mountains and to safety. It's sweet...it's touching...
...but there's no reason to have to fucking recreate it on the sidewalks of New York City!!!
I'm tired of having to scrape along the side of a building or walk in the street because "Family X" decided to have a family reunion in the middle of a sidewalk that...oh...maybe MILLIONS of people need to use on a regular basis. Yet it still goes on: mom, dad, daughter, son, grandma, grandpa, cousins, nieces...all holding hands and skipping along without a care in the world. Who am I? I'm the guy stuck behind them, and let me tell you that the visions dancing around in my head have NOTHING to do with sugar plums. A chainsaw and a bloody version of "Red Rover, Red Rover" MAYBE... So do us ALL a favor? Keep everyone in check, and keep things flowin'.
...and now you know, and KNOWING IS HALF THE BATTLE!
...because we all know that Mom and Dad usually have access to some quality shit!
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